I constantly feel tension between the work I am called to do as a wife, mother, and homemaker, and what I want to do in this space on my blog. All I want to write and say and become.
When I work on the blog, I know it is to the neglect of my other responsibilities. And when I fulfill my true work, the thought of blogging is so far outside my reach. It isn’t something I have time to do in the capacity to which I am trying to do it.
I enjoy writing, and especially blogging, but more than that, I want to use these foundational years of our family’s life to develop good habits and pursue excellence in the work I am called to do.
The work of a wife, mother, and homemaker is all-encompassing. And most of it goes unseen by the outside world. It does not earn accolades and awards, recognition given by the world at large because it is mostly unmeasured. Success is not seen after days of implementation of a specific program or method. But the faithful work of years of service and care to a family determine success or failure.
When I consider the calling I have as a Christian, wife, mother, homemaker, and neighbor, the task consumes all of my energies and focus.
And I am way out of my league.
Most of the work I cannot do with great efficiency. Oftentimes, I am discouraged to apathy by that realization. But excellence is not a fruit of apathy.
Excellence is a fruit of faithful work.
In the last few years, I learned of this quote by Goethe:
Cease striving to do what you want to do, and learn to love what must be done.
Blogging is what I want to do. I want to cultivate my interests and create something all my own.
However, in doing so, I do not learn to love what must be done. And, blogging in my current approach is not on the list of what must be done.
For now, that cease striving looks like a complete hiatus.
I must stop the brainstorming and dreaming and writing and curating. So that I can focus on first things in order to learn to love them.
And so, I’ll finish with a C.S. Lewis quote that seems especially appropriate at this time. I’m so grateful to have had a mentor share it with me many years ago:
You can’t get second things by putting them first. You get second things only by putting first things first.
It’s easy – even natural – to put second things first. And so I need help to put the first things first that the second things might fall into their place. That blogging might fall into its place.
Thank you for being in this space with me. It is a lovely gift, and I hope to return again. But sometimes a seed must fall into the ground and die in order to give way to life.
May we all experience the life found in giving ourselves to the first things.